Beauty from Ashes: There is Life after Parental Alienation.

I have to be honest. It was quite a week. I was feeling the heaviness of the reality of parental alienation weighing on my heart. We hear so many stories from parents. We see them shared on social media. Their emails pour in, questions come up in our Q & A panels, and in comments on our YouTube videos. There are so many that we can’t possibly address each one. It would be a full time job for more than one person. 

I could wallow in the sadness of it all. I think we all could. But I don’t want to stay in the pit of despair, nor do I want you staying there either. We’ve got healing to do. We have fears to overcome and goals to accomplish. So instead of wallowing, picture me getting up out of my pit, and extending my hand to help you out of your’s.  I hope this week’s blog post gives you a glimmer of hope for the future as I share with you the blessings and beauty I didn’t expect to find as a child survivor of parental alienation.

Empathy that is out of this world!

I find it strange, but quite amazing, that adult child survivors of parental alienation, who once upon a time hated their own parent, would be some of the most empathetic people I’ve ever met!  I have loved seeing the compassionate, empathetic support survivors have offered each other in our support group of child survivors. Maybe it’s because we’ve seen what hate does. We lived it. It solves nothing. It brings chaos, division and endless pain. Love is the better way.

Strength and Courage

Before I joined the support group, I didn’t realize how wide-spread parental alienation really is. I felt alone in my pain, and didn’t know if overcoming it was possible. I’m blown away by the courage of other survivors who shared their stories publicly, paving the way for more survivors to come out of the woodworks. It’s not just opposition from people who deny parental alienation is a real thing, or from people who argue and oppose use of the term “parental alienation”. Many survivors who speak up face opposition from friends and family who were unaware of the abuse they endured, or worse, enabled or took part in it. It takes courage and strength to step out, speak up and refuse to back down to keep others comfortable.  

There is life beyond alienation.

There’s something that happens when you go from confused to clarity. You get to connect the dots in your life. You realize why things happened the way they did. You see how one thing led to another, and how it all brought you to where you are standing now. It’s not a pleasant process, especially at first. It’s devastating and hard to wrap your head around. But little by little, day by day, you start to claim your life back. You realize there’s more to you than what happened to you. It doesn’t have to define you.  You can have a rough beginning, or a brutal chapter (or several chapters), and still have a beautiful story to tell. I think this is my favorite thing I’ve discovered in my own healing journey. There is life beyond alienation…alienation is part of my story. But it isn’t my whole story. There’s more to me than that. And, as for you, there’s more to you than that, too!

So, if you’re a parent and the darkness and pain of parental alienation is consuming your thoughts, I want you to picture your currently alienated child someday courageously sharing their story, compassionately comforting and encouraging others who share their pain, and living life to their fullest potential –not allowing themselves to be held back by the pain they’ve endured.  I know that’s what you want. We want that for you, too. That’s the heartbeat of our mission….to help alienated kids realize the truth about what happened to them, so they can piece their lives together, heal, reunite and inspire others. Don’t give up hope, moms and dads! 

If you’re a child survivor of alienation, wrestling through your own healing, battling the feelings of guilt and shame, heartbrokenness and betrayal, I want you to know this is overcomable. It is a hard journey, that’s for sure. It’s one we didn’t get to choose, nor would we have ever chosen it! Your pain is valid. Your story matters. And there is more to your story than what you went through, too. So take a deep breath, and take the next step. Perhaps that next step is getting into therapy, a support group (like our’s), or reconnecting with the parent you lost in alienation. You have great things ahead of you. There is life after alienation!