Who Am I Without My Trauma?

By: Dana Laquidara

I have come to learn that it is common for those of us who survived childhood trauma to ask ourselves, who am I REALLY?

More specifically, who would I have been without my trauma?

I used to think that if I just got all traces of trauma out of my mind and body, then what would be left would be the most real, best version of me!  I would welcome her with such respect and admiration. There you are I would say. Nothing left to do or fix or strive for now! This is who you were meant to be!

Mind you, these thoughts were just background whispers while I went about my life, doing and fixing and striving.

Then one glorious day, many years ago, I read a line from a book (I wish I could remember which one!) that left me stunned. I am paraphrasing, but essentially it was this:

Your Real Self is who you become when you do what you tell yourself you are going to do.

So brilliant in its simplicity! What a relief! Such promise.

I have always done what I tell others I will do, but keeping promises to myself was somehow much harder. Even when I knew what was best for me – and I would argue that most of the time we all do know- I would often not follow through.  I’d tell myself I’d do or not do something and sometimes blow it off entirely.

All along, I was asking the wrong question!

The question needn’t be Who would I be without my trauma?

The better question is  As I build my self-trust by doing what I’ve told myself I am going to do, who am I becoming?

It may sound oversimplistic at first. What if you need much more than just following through with what you have told yourself you’ll do? What if you need help? Like therapy. Like talking to someone. Like revisiting the past or forgiving or…

Then you tell yourself you will do that! You will find the support, and make the change or go after the goal or speak the words or drop the habit or whatever it is that you need. And you do it. You do the thing.

It comes back to making wise promises to ourselves and then keeping them. That author was right. It always comes back to that.

It is not just the big promises that count. The little stuff counts too, the everyday stuff that makes up our lives. And not just what we’ve told ourselves we will do but just as importantly, what we will stop doing. You know, the things that keep us from feeling our feelings. The things that keep us from healing.

Wait a minute! How can this goody-two-shoes be our Real Self? I have my theories.

I think that when we do what we’ve told ourselves we will do, we align with Infinite Intelligence. We gather emotional and spiritual power, and take care of our inner child who, lets face it, wants to run amuck much of the time (Or is that just me?)

We free ourselves because we’ve contained ourselves. We grow and create and love and thrive because we can trust ourselves. This is excellent news for creators! For anyone, really.  

 After all these years, I am still working on it, but it is a worthy journey.

 I bet if you think about it, you have many ways you set yourself up for success in following through with your word.  These are just a few of mine:

Making writing appointments with myself.

Recording deadlines that are important to me in my agenda.

Meal planning

Wearing a step pedometer (like a Fitbit except it only counts steps).

Signing up and paying for yoga class ahead of time.

Meditating every evening (the glue that keeps me following through on all the rest!)

Nothing fancy. Nothing exciting. Just some ways that I “contain myself” to free myself.

I have come to believe that author I stumbled on so long ago was correct. We become our Real Self, the Self that we were always meant to be, by keeping our word. Then life really does get exciting! And the old cliché is so true: We show up for others better if we are showing up for ourselves. The spigot is opened. The love flows.

People or circumstances may have put some of us through hell at one time.  But how are we treating ourselves now?

It’s that simple. And that empowering.

9 Months of the AAP

I began my project nine months ago, in early June 2023. I’ve made videos about my story, interviewed experts, parents, and former alienated children. I’ve researched in an effort to understand the psychology behind this abuse and expose it from my decades of experience. 

I’ve covered news and media stories, expanded to include a leadership team of amazing women I’m lucky to know, and traveled to various cities to hit the streets to inform strangers about parental alienation. 

We’ve started a support group, newsletter, blog, and, in less than three weeks, (with the help of Dr. Jennifer Harman and the PASG), we’ll be hosting our first-ever public speaking event, where seven child survivors of parental alienation will be having a filmed panel discussion, live, at Colorado State University.

As we prepare panel discussion questions, vote on the best slogan for our banner, and work out all of the details of our itinerary, it begins to hit me: wow, we’re really doing this. We’re really speaking out, together. We really are forming the coalition I hoped for last summer. 

That’s odd, I then realize. I don’t feel so alone with this anymore. I can breathe easier now. And that means everything to me.

You see, since I was eight and my parents were still married, the alienation not only destroyed my special bond with my dad, but it also isolated me from everyone in my life and made me dependent on my mom. Suddenly, she was “the only person who loved me” and “the only person who truly cared.” 

Since learning the truth, I’ve slowly been able to reconnect with lots of family members and friends, while also meeting many new people, and I’ve realized how wrong my mom was. Lots of people love and care about me, but I wasn’t allowed to believe that. What comes to my mind is a quote by Stephen Chbosky: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” It was, in the end, encountering better love–unconditional love–that led to me questioning the love I had grown up with.

Why am I a fervent believer that it’s important to increase the public awareness about parental alienation?

My hope is that one day children will grow up, and as they’re learning about consent and sexual health in school, they also learn warning signs of parental alienation and psychological abuse. They need to know it exists so they can look out for it. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve thought  I wish someone had told me that it’s not okay for one parent to talk badly about the other one. I wish someone had told me it’s not okay for one parent to say your other parent doesn’t love you.

My hope is that parental alienation will become a household term, and that people doing alienating behaviors will be shamed.

As a child survivor of parental alienation, I don’t blame people for their lack of  understanding; after all, I’ve been through it, and I, too, struggle to comprehend how this has happened to me and how a parent could do this to their child.

Finally, as word has spread about my project, more and more people have messaged me saying thank you…. I’m here, it’s happening to me, and I support what you’re doing. I wanted to say thank you as well. For your courage, support, and willingness to fight against child psychological abuse alongside me.

Thank you.

The Power of a Song

My sister texted me one evening to say she was watching a tribute to country singer Kenny Rogers on television and singing along. Her husband was surprised she knew all the words. I wasn’t surprised at all.

I immediately thought of his song  Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town and began texting her some of the lyrics.  Written by Mel Tillis, I was just three years old when the song was released by Kenny Rogers in 1969.  I later absorbed it through my grandmother’s record playing.

No one was playing Raffi for us in those days, and so by eight years old I was belting out Kenny’s words about “Ruby” and how she shouldn’t take her love to town. There was something dark and vaguely familiar in the song and I felt it in my little girl bones. The body doesn’t lie, not even to kids. Especially not to kids.

Now that my sister made me think of it again, it played in my head for days. It’s a song that still moves me.

Kenny Rogers is singing about being a war veteran with debilitating injuries.

“It wasn't me that started
That old crazy Asian war
But I was proud to go
And do my patriotic chore”

Even sadder than sending young men- boys, really – off to their deaths or lifelong trauma, is that society somehow convinced them to feel proud to do it.

A paralyzed war veteran on death’s doorstep, he is pleading for his wife to stay home with him when he knows she is headed out to find a lover.

Of course, I hadn’t analyzed any of this as a kid.

Except that on some level, I’d known that my mother had taken her love to town. Or more specifically, to Fort Devens, the U.S. Army post that was half an hour from our home.  In fact, it was the very year that this song was recorded by Kenny Rogers.

Some thoughts the song elicits: Ruby, you heartless, selfish tramp. Hasn’t he suffered enough? You are breaking your already broken man! Get a hold of yourself, girl.

Until the next words, the ones I’d forgotten all about, the ones I’d sang as a child as if they were, I don’t know, normal?

 “And if I could move, I'd get my gun
And put her in the ground”

Yikes, Kenny. Did the war do this to Ruby’s man, this impulse to kill? Or was Ruby a victim of DV before he ever got sent off to Vietnam? Was Ruby finally hotfooting it out of there because now he couldn’t chase after her with his fists? Or his gun.

Who is the real offender here?

My mother’s lover went to Vietnam. As did her brother. My father was in college and thus deferred, spared the horrors of war.  And he never attempted putting my mother in the ground. But she didn’t see her children again.

The last night she lived with us was the night my sister and I stood at the door with her, wearing our winter coats. My father demanded to know where we were going. Then my sister and I were sent to bed, and by the next morning we were motherless, daughters of a castaway. The war at home would leave me grieving silently.

No matter how much time goes by, how much processing and forgiveness I’ve done, or how much gratitude I have for my life now, my heart will remain vulnerable to a song, a memory, something that pulls me back to this time.

It’s not bitterness or even sadness anymore. I think it’s just acknowledgment of the scar, a somatic memory. It’s truth.

For many, it was a convenient time because few people talked about things like violence, grief, loss, or abuse.  How many generations hold untold stories, unquestioned narratives? How many offensives, atrocities, are buried beneath all the distractions of life, wounds untreated?

The convenience of silence always catches up. The body tells the truth. The heart knows the story.

And that is why I’ve never forgotten the words to “Ruby”.

 It is why I chose to write my book  YOU-KNOW-WHO: AN ALIENATED DAUGHTER'S MEMOIR. 

Dana can be found at https://danalaquidara.com/

Valleys & Valleys & the Occasional Peaks: Navigating the Complex Trauma as an Adult Child Survivor of Parental Alienation

Welcome to a space of understanding and resilience, where the challenging path of being an adult child survivor of parental alienation is met with empathy and empowerment. If you are currently navigating the uncomfortable truth of parental alienation or have overcome its complexities, know that you are not alone. This blog serves as a safe haven for shared experiences, healing journeys, and the strength that emerges from navigating the intricate trauma of Parental Alienation. Let's embark on this empowering journey together.

I extend heartfelt acknowledgment to all those living this experience. You are seen, and my heart holds space for you. Recognizing that each individual may be at different stages in their healing timeline, I urge you not to lose hope. If feelings of being lost, stuck, or alone overwhelm you, understand that a community of survivors is actively raising their voices against parental alienation. Online support groups, coaching forums, and activism routes aimed at influencing family courts are avenues where like-minded individuals connect.

To figure out where you would like to go with your experience lean into the emotions that come up for you. Write it out, have “tea” with them. Ask your emotions why they are visiting. “Anger, I feel you in my stomach and the burning behind my eyes, I don’t want you to make me sick by staying too long. Anger, can you turn into strength to help me fight this battle and not fight myself or others. Sadness, I feel you in my chest as a crushing weight can you please turn my heart to love and guide me to a supportive loving team who helps me see the light in the dark?” Something along those lines.

A few self care activities I practice to stay above are, placing a hand over my heart in a quiet space I repeat the words I love you (Chantel) “Insert your own name” over and over for 10 minutes once a day. Practicing present moment awareness by being right here right now in this. I like to repeat a phrase that goes like “I am in the right place doing the right things with the right people.” I like to search out healers and other healing modalities like healing touch, massage therapy, acupuncturists, Chinese medicine doctors, sound therapists, reflexology, Indian head massage, naturopathic doctors, psychologists, read books on self care and healing. If anyone comes along my path and says go to this person go read this book, watch this show or documentary I will say yes and do it as I believe all humans are reflections of me and they are trying to show me something about myself that can help me move forward. Sometimes the burden of bearing this pain is much too big for my human self so I have found something bigger outside of myself. I would definitely recommend finding a source higher than yourself to guide and support you. Whatever works and aligns with your spirit. For myself I have found Jesus even when I grew up without any influence of any religion. Jesus is a great teacher in forgiveness and for me that was a big part of my healing. Keep a vision, keep a plan and keep rising above.

You may feel like you’ve been denied your reality and it’s a bit crazy making. You know your truth and no one can take that away. The division that was made by the alienator stops now. Through the valleys and peaks, we are ready to unite and put an end to this human rights abuse.

This week’s blog post was submitted by fellow adult child survivor of parental alienation, Chantel.

Hi my name is Chantel. As a once-alienated child, I intimately understand the complexities of parental alienation, having spent over 28 years separated from my father before reuniting. Now, navigating the painful reality of being alienated from my own children for the past 2 years, I share my personal journey to shed light on this emotional struggle. Join me in exploring the profound impact of parental alienation and the ongoing quest for understanding and healing.

Listen to Chantel’s remarkable story here:

Chantel’s story

Beauty from Ashes: There is Life after Parental Alienation.

I have to be honest. It was quite a week. I was feeling the heaviness of the reality of parental alienation weighing on my heart. We hear so many stories from parents. We see them shared on social media. Their emails pour in, questions come up in our Q & A panels, and in comments on our YouTube videos. There are so many that we can’t possibly address each one. It would be a full time job for more than one person. 

I could wallow in the sadness of it all. I think we all could. But I don’t want to stay in the pit of despair, nor do I want you staying there either. We’ve got healing to do. We have fears to overcome and goals to accomplish. So instead of wallowing, picture me getting up out of my pit, and extending my hand to help you out of your’s.  I hope this week’s blog post gives you a glimmer of hope for the future as I share with you the blessings and beauty I didn’t expect to find as a child survivor of parental alienation.

Empathy that is out of this world!

I find it strange, but quite amazing, that adult child survivors of parental alienation, who once upon a time hated their own parent, would be some of the most empathetic people I’ve ever met!  I have loved seeing the compassionate, empathetic support survivors have offered each other in our support group of child survivors. Maybe it’s because we’ve seen what hate does. We lived it. It solves nothing. It brings chaos, division and endless pain. Love is the better way.

Strength and Courage

Before I joined the support group, I didn’t realize how wide-spread parental alienation really is. I felt alone in my pain, and didn’t know if overcoming it was possible. I’m blown away by the courage of other survivors who shared their stories publicly, paving the way for more survivors to come out of the woodworks. It’s not just opposition from people who deny parental alienation is a real thing, or from people who argue and oppose use of the term “parental alienation”. Many survivors who speak up face opposition from friends and family who were unaware of the abuse they endured, or worse, enabled or took part in it. It takes courage and strength to step out, speak up and refuse to back down to keep others comfortable.  

There is life beyond alienation.

There’s something that happens when you go from confused to clarity. You get to connect the dots in your life. You realize why things happened the way they did. You see how one thing led to another, and how it all brought you to where you are standing now. It’s not a pleasant process, especially at first. It’s devastating and hard to wrap your head around. But little by little, day by day, you start to claim your life back. You realize there’s more to you than what happened to you. It doesn’t have to define you.  You can have a rough beginning, or a brutal chapter (or several chapters), and still have a beautiful story to tell. I think this is my favorite thing I’ve discovered in my own healing journey. There is life beyond alienation…alienation is part of my story. But it isn’t my whole story. There’s more to me than that. And, as for you, there’s more to you than that, too!

So, if you’re a parent and the darkness and pain of parental alienation is consuming your thoughts, I want you to picture your currently alienated child someday courageously sharing their story, compassionately comforting and encouraging others who share their pain, and living life to their fullest potential –not allowing themselves to be held back by the pain they’ve endured.  I know that’s what you want. We want that for you, too. That’s the heartbeat of our mission….to help alienated kids realize the truth about what happened to them, so they can piece their lives together, heal, reunite and inspire others. Don’t give up hope, moms and dads! 

If you’re a child survivor of alienation, wrestling through your own healing, battling the feelings of guilt and shame, heartbrokenness and betrayal, I want you to know this is overcomable. It is a hard journey, that’s for sure. It’s one we didn’t get to choose, nor would we have ever chosen it! Your pain is valid. Your story matters. And there is more to your story than what you went through, too. So take a deep breath, and take the next step. Perhaps that next step is getting into therapy, a support group (like our’s), or reconnecting with the parent you lost in alienation. You have great things ahead of you. There is life after alienation!

Why Child Survivors of Parental Alienation are Speaking Out

Is it just me, or does it seem like child survivors of parental alienation are coming out of the woodworks and increasing in numbers?  Even so, there are still individuals and groups who deny the existence of parental alienation, and call it pseudoscience. The more the reality of parental alienation is denied, the louder the survivors speak, and the survivors grow in numbers.

I was an alienated child in the 90s and early 2000s before social media was on the scene, and before we “Googled” everything under the sun. As a child, I had no way of knowing the dynamics of my family were so incredibly toxic. It was just the only “normal” I knew. I knew I didn’t like the constant fighting between my parents, and I felt such a duty to comfort my mom who relied on me for emotional support for as long as I can remember. For me, this is how parental alienation began.  When my parents would fight, my seven year old eyes saw an angry, frustrated dad and an angry mom who would sob for hours after each fight. I wasn’t old enough to understand the topics they fought over. I sided with the one that was crying, believing she’s the one who was victimized, and he was the one that was wrong. Even if she hit him, and she often did. In fact, when violence ensued, it was often her who threw the first slap or threw the first object. But that’s not the story she would tell. She’d leave out  some details, like what the fight was originally about, the names she called him, how she chased him up and down the hallway, threw objects and screamed in his face. I didn’t realize until I was much older (an adult, married with my own children)  that the topics they fought over were huge topics…like deceit and infidelity, and my dad’s anger and frustration made sense. But as a child, and especially as a teenager, I began to hate my dad. I knew my mom was emotionally unstable, but I thought it was because of him. She did, in fact, blame everything on him- even things that had nothing to do with him. I started to think that way too… everything that I hated about myself I thought was because of him. 

If you thought their marriage was tumultuous, their divorce and custody battle were even worse. While parental alienating tactics may have been subconscious during their marriage, they were very much intentional during their custody battle. Before it began, I had already chosen a side, but my siblings hadn’t. My younger siblings loved both of my parents. My heart hurts to think of them so little, so innocent, just wanting to love and be loved by both of them.  While “in the best interest of the children” is sprinkled throughout court documents, and I’m sure was said dozens of times during court hearings, it was completely forsaken. My mom, who quickly remarried after the divorce, was unwilling to co-parent with my dad. In her mind, she wasn’t leaving us fatherless. She had found a replacement, and it was out with the old and in with the new. She wanted him out of the picture completely. She would interrogate my siblings when they’d come home from visits with my dad until she got a little morsel she could twist to accuse him of abuse or neglect. We were, in fact, abused children. And you could say my siblings and I displayed signs of abuse. The intense abuse we were experiencing was psychological and emotional, and sometimes physical. And it wasn’t occurring with my dad during his visitation times. It was occurring with her, the one who had primary custody. Even so, she was sure to make our schools, our church, other family members and family friends know that my dad was a terrible, dangerous person who should not be trusted.  

Can you see how and why we, as alienated children, had nowhere to go and no one to turn to who would tell us anything other than the narrative they were told?

What I lived through was too much for a seven year old. I was not equipped to be the emotional support for someone who was supposed to be taking care of me.

It was too much for me at twelve years old to be a mother figure to my siblings while my parents fought, and while my mom didn’t have the capacity to take care of us. The stress of it all led to anorexia as I often felt too sick to my stomach to eat.

It was too much for me as a teenager struggling with my self esteem and self worth, leading me to look for love in the wrong places.

It was too much for me on my wedding day, not having my dad walk me down the aisle, and not even be present for the biggest day of my life. I didn’t wear much makeup on my wedding day, because I couldn’t bear to look at my dark brown eyes that resemble my dad’s without wanting to burst into tears.

It was too much for me as a new mom, to watch my husband hold our newborn daughter with pure love in his eyes, and remember there was a picture of my dad holding me with the same look in his eyes. I can’t imagine my husband ever not loving our children. I wondered, how could my dad just stop loving me? How does that happen?

The stories of so many child survivors of parental alienation share so many commonalities. We can tell you of the deep sorrow, the maddening confusion, the profound grief we couldn’t comprehend and the displaced anger and resentment we felt toward our targeted parent. NONE of the survivors I’ve ever met would say what happened to them was insignificant, had little to no impact, and it’s just fine. Quite the opposite. The pain of parental alienation is a life sentence. It’s a reality we wake up to each morning.

So why are child survivors of parental alienation speaking out?

“I’m speaking out because oftentimes parental alienation is generational and linked to toxic family belief systems that continue to be passed down and passively accepted by the majority as normal and none of this is normal! 

It often takes the scapegoat, the black sheep, the one who questions everything to discover and expose PA is going on, meanwhile the majority of family members often keep their heads in the sand. 

When we know better we do better… It's time to get in the know and help prevent it from affecting future generations. No child should be covertly coerced to hate either parent, that only brings self hatred to that child as they associate much of who they are from who they came from. It’s time to raise whole humans and stop the division.” 

-Jennifer Hayward, child survivor of Parental Alienation

“I am speaking out with the intention that it helps someone else discover their own truth and act on that truth.”

-Dana Laquidara  https://danalaquidara.com

“I know there are millions of other alienated children out there being held mentally hostage, and deserve to live in reality, and deserve to have a relationship with both parents.”

-Madi, Founder of The Anti-Alienation Project

“I speak out because of two reasons. One, I think it’s the right thing to do…. The other reason is I can do at least some kind of good for other alienated parents or grandparents and siblings.”

-Andrew Folkler  andrewfolkler.com/parental-alienation

“I speak out because I think it is important to talk about this form of abuse that is more common than people realize. I want to be what I wish I had when I found out or when I was younger.”

-Bri, member of The Anti-Alienation Project Team

“I speak out because I feel like the first step to making social change is making awareness, talking about it openly, even just speaking for ourselves to have a voice.”

-Jaclyn, member of The Anti-Alienation Project Team

“The reason I do this work is because I do not want any other children in the world to go through what we went through. I see it all day at work, I research it and read about it. It’s absolutely true, and it’s rife!”

-Alyse Price-Tobler, PhD, sempi.net

Each of the quotes above are from adult child survivors of parental alienation. Some were alienated from their fathers, and some from their mothers. Some were moved long distances away from their parent without that parent’s permission, and without the parent having any recourse and no due process.  Some survivors were alienated from a parent while living under the same roof with parents who were still married. The details of our stories may be different, but the heartache of a severed relationship with a targeted parent, and the broken trust and feelings of betrayal from the alienating parent  is shared among survivors.  That is why we speak out!

Can I Get Back 20 Years?

       This Christmas was the second time I stayed the night at my dad’s house... ever. From the time my parents divorced at age nine, I never once stayed the night at my dad’s. Until last Christmas, 2022. And for the second time, a year later… this Christmas, 2023.

	I never stayed the night, but, for two decades, Dad always kept a room for me. My own room and bathroom, even though my four younger brothers had to share. Complete with a mirror and dresser and comforter. He kept this empty bedroom in every house.

	Parental alienation, especially in severe cases, is a life sentence for the child. Not many people understand that. Yes, you can seek therapy, support, and rebuild a new relationship with the parent you previously lost. But…

	Can I get back twenty years? 

	Having been so intimately betrayed by my mom—who contrived hundreds of lies and brainwashed me to believe my dad was abusive and didn’t love me—how can I possibly trust her again? 

	That's the tip of an iceberg miles deep. 

	No one considers how this abuse affects a child’s personality. Their self-esteem, their health, their self-perception. No one considers how it affects much more than a childhood, but potentially a life-time... involving a myriad of self-destructive effects, from self-harm, eating disorders, and health issues, to addiction, alcoholism, attachment disorders, and suicide. 

	No one considers how this abuse affects more than the child directly affected. Most of the time, it affects that child and their bloodline, as 50% of alienated children will go on to become targeted parents down the line. This abuse is generational. It will not end until someone identifies it in their family and says enough IS ENOUGH. This ends with me. It will not end naturally.

	I’ve heard that it takes thirty days of no-contact with a parent for a child to crack under the pressure of manipulation to choose the alienator. Thirty days for a child to lose hope; as a survivial technique, they’ll align with the alienator parent, without knowing how hard their other parent may be fighting behind the scenes. Thirty days. That’s all it takes.

	Thirty days is about how long it took for me, under the full control of my mom due to a bogus restraining order, to have the brainwashing solidify and that was that—my nine-year-old brain had been forced to make a decision, mom or dad, and I made a decision with FALSE information and my mom’s WORST interests for me at heart. I went from being “Daddy’s little girl” to terrified in his presence. None of this had to happen.

	Of course, my dad felt sad, angry, and confused… mostly for the first few years of the alienation. The difference, however, is that he was an adult with a developed brain: he knew all along that I was a puppet and my mom, the puppeteer. I had no idea. 

	The loss of the loving relationship we shared affected both of us deeply. I was only able to recognize the truth of what happened to me when I learned it had a name: parental alienation. It made sense, like my life had been one fragmented puzzle, and this was the final missing piece.

	This Christmas was the second time I’ve stayed the night at my dad’s house, and it certainly won’t be the last. I know that no amount of time will ever make up for the decades we’ve lost. But I love my dad, and he knows this. My dad loves me, and I know this, too. There is nothing anyone can do to take our love away again. 

	The ending of my story is considered a success by all accounts. If alienation extends into adulthood, most adult children will not figure it out. Many take their own lives. Others will die due to addiction or disease. 

	While the ending of my story is not common, the rest of it is. There are at least 22 million parents alienated from their children in the US today, which equates to at least 22 million alienated children, and probably many more than that. 

	I can’t get back twenty years with my dad, but I can help other alienated children figure out the truth sooner than I did. I can help other parents get their children back. But I need your help. Please consider making a donation to our college campus campaigns. This is a worldwide epidemic, and it needs to be treated as such. Please help me change the trajectory for many other alienated kids’ and their loving parents.