Can I Get Back 20 Years?

       This Christmas was the second time I stayed the night at my dad’s house... ever. From the time my parents divorced at age nine, I never once stayed the night at my dad’s. Until last Christmas, 2022. And for the second time, a year later… this Christmas, 2023.

	I never stayed the night, but, for two decades, Dad always kept a room for me. My own room and bathroom, even though my four younger brothers had to share. Complete with a mirror and dresser and comforter. He kept this empty bedroom in every house.

	Parental alienation, especially in severe cases, is a life sentence for the child. Not many people understand that. Yes, you can seek therapy, support, and rebuild a new relationship with the parent you previously lost. But…

	Can I get back twenty years? 

	Having been so intimately betrayed by my mom—who contrived hundreds of lies and brainwashed me to believe my dad was abusive and didn’t love me—how can I possibly trust her again? 

	That's the tip of an iceberg miles deep. 

	No one considers how this abuse affects a child’s personality. Their self-esteem, their health, their self-perception. No one considers how it affects much more than a childhood, but potentially a life-time... involving a myriad of self-destructive effects, from self-harm, eating disorders, and health issues, to addiction, alcoholism, attachment disorders, and suicide. 

	No one considers how this abuse affects more than the child directly affected. Most of the time, it affects that child and their bloodline, as 50% of alienated children will go on to become targeted parents down the line. This abuse is generational. It will not end until someone identifies it in their family and says enough IS ENOUGH. This ends with me. It will not end naturally.

	I’ve heard that it takes thirty days of no-contact with a parent for a child to crack under the pressure of manipulation to choose the alienator. Thirty days for a child to lose hope; as a survivial technique, they’ll align with the alienator parent, without knowing how hard their other parent may be fighting behind the scenes. Thirty days. That’s all it takes.

	Thirty days is about how long it took for me, under the full control of my mom due to a bogus restraining order, to have the brainwashing solidify and that was that—my nine-year-old brain had been forced to make a decision, mom or dad, and I made a decision with FALSE information and my mom’s WORST interests for me at heart. I went from being “Daddy’s little girl” to terrified in his presence. None of this had to happen.

	Of course, my dad felt sad, angry, and confused… mostly for the first few years of the alienation. The difference, however, is that he was an adult with a developed brain: he knew all along that I was a puppet and my mom, the puppeteer. I had no idea. 

	The loss of the loving relationship we shared affected both of us deeply. I was only able to recognize the truth of what happened to me when I learned it had a name: parental alienation. It made sense, like my life had been one fragmented puzzle, and this was the final missing piece.

	This Christmas was the second time I’ve stayed the night at my dad’s house, and it certainly won’t be the last. I know that no amount of time will ever make up for the decades we’ve lost. But I love my dad, and he knows this. My dad loves me, and I know this, too. There is nothing anyone can do to take our love away again. 

	The ending of my story is considered a success by all accounts. If alienation extends into adulthood, most adult children will not figure it out. Many take their own lives. Others will die due to addiction or disease. 

	While the ending of my story is not common, the rest of it is. There are at least 22 million parents alienated from their children in the US today, which equates to at least 22 million alienated children, and probably many more than that. 

	I can’t get back twenty years with my dad, but I can help other alienated children figure out the truth sooner than I did. I can help other parents get their children back. But I need your help. Please consider making a donation to our college campus campaigns. This is a worldwide epidemic, and it needs to be treated as such. Please help me change the trajectory for many other alienated kids’ and their loving parents.